I always find myself trying to write something in here and just end up erasing it. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. I hate pretending. I can probably convince every body that I have moved on just fine. The sad thing is I have not convinced myself. I hope that someday, there will be no need for convincing. I cannot wait for the day when thinking of him will not hurt anymore. I guess it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to, but the pain and the sadness is still there.
Right now, I am just doing my best to pretend that the silence, the distance and the indifference is not tearing me apart. I am happy I get to laugh with friends and just do things that will take my mind off of it. I hope that one day I will be able to burry this stabbing pain and just come out complete with still much love to give to people who truly and genuinely care.
It’s crazy, I keep telling myself to not write about this (anymore) because it is getting pretty old and I think I am being pathetic, even (which is a sad thing). *Smiles to this*
There are lessons we all have to learn the hard way - perhaps, they’re too big to get it all done with in just one gulp. We all just have to deal with them as fashionably as we could because they are part of our reliaties. Letting go is a big elephant in my room of reality right now, and it’s a process that I have to go through over and over. I just wish I was good at pretending. But I’m not, so here I am trying not to be overly dramatic, pouring out a chunk of my soul as a form of a crime in this blog. So, help me god.
Every time I visit this blog, I always have to take care of spams on my message boards. It is becoming exhausting. I wonder when this blog became a spammer’s favorite spot for posting links to their sites. Surely, my blog does not have a good PR.
To all you spammers, if you try to spam on here, I assure you that your links will not have the pleasure of staying long because I will be deleting them. Please, leave my humble and silent site alone.
Excuse me for my bad title. I ended up not having a photo shoot with Eunice (bff) yesterday because we decided to just talk and catch up. Here’s a photo of what I made the other day, though. It’s gewy and stuff. I still don’t know what to name it. Help me?
Preheat oven at 180 deg C. Mix 2 1/2 cup all purpose flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, 1 teaspoon salt, 1 1/2 cup cocoa powder, 2 cups brown sugar. In another bowl, whisk altogther three eggs, 1 teaspoon vanilla, 1/3 cup lemon juice, and 1 cup vegetable oil. Add the liquid ingredients to the dry ingredients. Then, add 1 1/2 cup hot water. Place in a greased 9 x 12 rectangular baking pan. Bake for 20-25 minutes. Refrigerate once it cools down and just take them from the fridge whenever it’s cool enough to serve. I placed mine on different moulders just for the shape. Hope you’ll enjoy it.
Oh, and you can add nuts or chocolate chips on top of it if you want. ^_^
After watching the film The Social Network, which is based on the life story of Facebook’s founders (i.e. Mark Zuckerberg and best friends), I have come to acknowledge the fact that I will only marry a geeky guy. Why? Because, aside from the fact that there is a geek in me somewhere, there is nothing more sexy than a nerdgasm having a brilliant intellectual mind.
I don’t know why I had to blurt that out. I sure did enjoy watching that film and I think what makes it very interesting is the fact that it is based on real people. Okay, let me rephrase that - real people who created the social networking website which toppled Google and Yahoo and at their mid twenties. That’s right, mid twenties (exclamation points). *sighs*
I am thinking that geeks prefer to be with pretty and sexy girls though. Boys will always be boys. *double sigh*
I’ll blog on later. I baked chocolate goodies yesterday and I am thinking of posting the pics and the recipe on here. My best friend, Eunice is also coming over for a photoshoot. I have actually a lot of stuff happening today.
It’s funny, how strange my writing sounds now. I will have to blame it on my freelance writing job. When you have to write 60 articles every week about who-knows-what your brain will grow stones and I’m surprised I can still write at all. *double double sigh*
Before I end up changing the title of this post to double double double sigh, I’d better promise to be back later. *stops herself from sighing*
I cannot believe I am actually writing on here again. I’ve been blogging somewhere else because I don’t know where to start when I try to think of dealing with this place. But it’s about time I get my scheisse together and start rocking this twisted blog back to life. Some melancholic and heart-breaking things are alive in this blog and I did not know how to face them for a long time. Anyhoo, I don’t know if I will be revamping anytime soon. But here’s a start. Before the year ends, I want to shout to the world that I am doing fine and I am excited to what the future holds.
Last year, so many sad things happened to me and that was the reason for the hiatus of this forgotten blog. I had a rough break up. Then I quit med school, and I took a few months break from everything. I just spent my time mostly cooking and baking my heart out, while staying at home and helping out. I convinced my parents to let me study culinary arts because cooking was something very dear to me. I have been cooking since I was nine years old. I always helped out my grandma and my mom when baking since grade school. But it was something I did not think my parents would allow me to pursue because they have always wanted me to become a doctor.
I think it was a blessing in disguise that I had that painful breakup, because I was able to just stop and think life over and on what I really wanted to do with my life. Thankfully, my parents were very understanding and they allowed me to study culinary arts. I am now taking the road less travelled and it has been a wonderful, humbling, full, and life awakening journey. Studying the culinary arts has made me appreciate the small things that are more important in life. I don’t think I have learned as much in my life as I have with cooking. There is just something so intense yet gentle about cooking that is heart warming and satisfying, especially whe you are cooking and serving good food. I have gained so much respect in the food industry and in life in general that I am very thankful to have walked this path.
Apart from cooking, I have also been taking pictures again and I’m very happy to be learning and exploring photography by just observing the eyes of gifted photographers all over the world. Thanks to Flickr for that opportunity. Hopefully, I’ll progress my skills in this hobby as well. I don’t know if I sound fired up. I guess I am. It’s good to be able to just write here again. I’m so glad I now have the strength to put sadness and pain aside, and just enjoy the blessings that are in my life right now.
