Wanting Him

It’s called heartache.

Here’s the scoop.

I think I’m beginning to seriously like this one guy. Why so? I catch my heart thumping erratically on mundane moments. Sometimes this crazy smile just paints up my face out of the ordinary blue. Butterflies practically flip and flop inside my stomach. His random words keep playing in my head like they live there or something.  Then there’s this sort of intense emotion that longs to explode so bad it’s starting to freak me out. And he’s not even doing anything. And this is alarmingly not good. I’m talking major shit here.

Being in love is something I’ve always controllably avoided. I don’t think I can deal with the consequences. For one, I fear pain. Second, I view heartaches as killers with full murderous intent. I fear the tendency of excessively burning my heart out on someone. With him, the possibility is heart-grippingly high. And if my heart ends up bruised and broken after, I might not be able to handle that superbly. Or not yet. At least.

Then there’s this. This strangest of strange realization - that I might actually terrifyingly like him. And that’s just because I have no idea what love is, yet.

We surprisingly click so well it melts me half wondering and half overwhelmed. But we are worlds apart that our hands can’t fit each other’s spaces and our hearts can’t hear whether they beat together or alike. We see different smiles and share ourselves to different people - it’s almost impossible for us to walk hand in hand, or wear each other heart in heart.

Yes. In the name of my grotesque heart, I will have to admit that I like this guy much that it breaks my heart enough just thinking about him and the possibility of us.

So I’m gonna let him go. Right here. Even if my heart bleeds aching. Because wanting him is called heartache. 

Ps. I wrote this eons ago when I was such a mind-boggling hopeless romantic. Not anymore, though. Love won’t be something for me. When a heart is beating erratically you say all sorts of things. And when a heart is broken, you also say all sorts of things. (I’ll get over you, eventually!)

one twisted convo

me: sep, why do microorganisms move towards the edge of the cover slip?me: please reply, thanks!
(an empty one minute passed)

me: sep..?
me: oist, deadma? please reply to the question ’cause the answer is badly needed. haha.

you have just sent a nudge

me: sep, i will also ignore you tomorrow! *really angry face*
me: sep, i will also ignore you tomorrow! *really angry face*
joseph: ………….particle canon activated……….
me: sep, i will also ignore you tomorrow! *really angry face*
joseph:  …your nuclear missile is ready general………
me: sep, i will really ignore you tomorrow! *really angry face*

(Made my personal message in messenger: Joseph BAD! I will not talk to you ever! *super angry face*)

joseph: …….calculating vectors………..
joseph: vectors complete……….
me: bad!
me: bad!
joseph: ….scanning radar systems………..
me: bad!
joseph:…..stealth desctivated……..
joseph: unit lost….
joseph: unit lost….
me: don’t talk to me ever!
joseph: unit lost….
joseph: unit lost….
joseph: you are defaeted!!
joseph: pls try again….hehehe

(Can’t help laughing. Computer games will make men senile!)